Important: MARTY FRIEDMAN Ranks Cereals

Listen. We all know Marty Friedman is a fantastic guitarist and composer… but what does he think about cereal? Well fear not, because Friedman is here to talk at length about exactly that!

In a very detailed Facebook post, Friedman revealed that he recently got a boatload of US cereal shipped to him in Japan, as cereal really isn’t a thing over in Japan. Friedman then went on to rank all the cereals (some of ’em are hilarious – look no further than Cap’n Crunch) based on how much they changed and how good they are. It’s fantastic.

Also, you should pre-order Friedman‘s upcoming record Drama due out May 17 right here.

“As many of you know, I love cereal! I’ve been lucky lately to have a massive shipment of tons of cereal from back home in the US, and since there is no one to rant to about this in Japan (cereal is NOT even a thing here) I’m going to bend your ears and let you know what iI think of each of these cereals I’ve had lately.

“PLEASE tell me what you think of this and WHY you think so many have changed, while some have THANKFULLY stayed the same. Industry gossip welcome!! It’s a dark mystery to me….let me know what you think!!”

• CAPN CRUNCH They changed the texture and the taste, for the worse. Not horrible but why mess with a CLASSIC? 6
• PEANUT BUTTER CEREAL same as above, but worse 6
• LIFE Not changed much but never was so great in the first place 5
• APPLE JACKS Who ruined this? Cinnamon and apple flavor gone and they are smaller and harder than ever. Bastards 3
• HONEYCOMB Way better than it was several years ago, but still not nearly as big and fun with its unique texture as it was when their slogan was “Honeycomb’s big, big big big” 7
• FRUITY PEBBLES Thank you God. It’s remained in its former glory! 10
• LUCKY CHARMS Still great! Either it is as good as ever, or they have been ever so slightly cheapening it over the years, barely noticeable. 10
• CHEX (Corn,Wheat,Rice) This is the WORST offender of all. What used to have a great taste and an irresistible texture, has gone to complete crap. I assume this is what dog treats taste like. WTF seriously. Do you know even one person making Chex party mix now? WHO IS BUYING THIS? Tasteless cardboard -10
• HONEY SMACKS Kelloggs should be ashamed. What used to be exactly the same as the legendary Super Sugar Crisp is horrible now, like those fake cereals at the corner liquor store that come from countries you never heard of. 3
• CINNAMON TOAST CRUNCH Pretty awesome. Did the texture used to be lighter and better? 8
• CORN POPS (ex SUGAR POPS) Pretty good, but pieces are smaller and harder than they used to be. 8
• COCOA KRISPIES The chocolate taste now is so cheap, it’s like that crappy nameless chocolate you get at Halloween, the last thing you finally eat of all your stash after the good stuff is gone. 2
• REESE’S PUFFS Pretty good. 7
• FROOT LOOPS Something is fishy about it, like they cheaped out on the texture ala APPLE JACKS but still pretty good 7
• SPECIAL K This used to be the BEST non-sweetened cereal, with super light texture. Now it’s hard and has some crappy aspartame-like sweetener caked on it. Does anyone have any inside scoop on why Kellogg’s is ruining all these classics? 3
• MINI-WHEATS This tasted like brillo pads back in the day, and the same now, but not terrible. 6
• FROSTED CHEERIOS Excellent! Great sweet flavor in a deceivingly healthy looking box. 9

“For a completely unbalanced experience while pondering this important topic, and sharing your opinions with me, listen to the first track, ‘Illumination’ from my upcoming album, Drama.”